March 27th, 2006 by charmayne
…we are taught how to become an ‘individual’ most of the time…so what happens when your ‘individuality’ overtaken certain situation? you get blamed for being ‘unreasonable’…what kind of world do we lived in anyways…? one gets called ‘nosy’ when they get worried sick about another…’insensitive’ when they think you get care about them enough…’stupid’ because nobody ever ask you to care…’drama queen’ because you made a big fuss under the influence of anger without having much thought first…whatever happens happened. If it doesn’t kill you, it’ll only make you stronger! so who can blame me for these walls i’ve built around me….individuality’s been raped over and over again…
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March 20th, 2006 by charmayne
I’m not entirely sure how to put my thoughts down now in correct phrases…but i guess for me most of the time it’s always been neither black or white when it comes to the matters of the heart…that good ‘ol bag of bones buried deep deep inside had recently found a way to surface again. Maybe it’s things like this that is most unpredictable, or maybe it’s been buggin’ me long enough that i’ve finally decided(after some encouragement) that something must be done to be rid of the demons haunting deep inside…i guess if this goes on…i’ll never be able to see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or even get another chance to see rainbows after the rain! so here you go…i’m looking for that closed door and if i don’t get to see it properly closed behind me, i don’t think i’ll be able to use another exit for the time being…
"…I wish you bluebirds in the Spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this, I wish you love!
…And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health, and more than wealth, I wish you love!
…My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never ever be
So with my best, my very best, I set you free!"
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February 17th, 2006 by charmayne
hate to be in between dreams and reality…my holiday in Thailand last week was incredible but now yet again i’m back at work. i woke up this morning and think to myself ‘oh wow…and oh no!’ happy days passes twice as quick…and that is not fair!
so here’s hoping my beautiful memories of Koh Samui and Koh Phangan (also Bangkok) would come back and haunt me everynite in my dreams…
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January 6th, 2006 by charmayne
…it is almost as if it’s only yesterday…it is always funny when some things being planned eventually will have itself unplanned exactly to the way you planned it…perhaps making plans is not really the thing for me…or maybe my life’s already been planned the moment i came into the world(here of course the credit goes to the higher being somewhere out there) and perhaps whatever plans that i’m making now is actually unplanning ‘the plan’. Therefore here i am screwing up ‘the plan’ when it’s already been planned by making my own plans…
CONCLUSION: No more plans making in the near future?
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October 26th, 2005 by charmayne
…i often get this question lately: ’so what are you searching for?’…most of the time my answer would be: ‘hmm…not entirely sure but when i find it, i’ll let you know.’ i mean does anyone ever know what excactly are they searching for out there in this world(aliens doesn’t count)? everyday i would wake up, go to work, do my stuff, go back home, do my stuff, sleep…next day-same routine!sometimes this mundanity makes me wonder who we are really and what excactly is our purpose in life. i mean i’m no supergal/wonderwoman so i guess saving the world would be out of the question or it could even be one of the reason for my existance. so i’m always left here to ponder and ’search’, for whatever ‘things’ i’m not sure but ‘i’ll let you know once i find out’.
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October 24th, 2005 by charmayne
…did i ever mentioned that i’m not a morning person? if not, I’m absu-fuckin-lutely NOT a morning person! goodness…have to get up freaking early tomorrow in the morning to get into work…sigh…why can’t i get sleep like everyone else normal whatever that may be but my ‘ideal’ normal-ish would be around 10am or even later…so there you go, murder it is… 
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October 20th, 2005 by charmayne
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
…it’s been a while…which somehow seems like eternity to me…for the past months, life’s been going quicker than i realised it. was it good or was it bad? to be honest i can’t seem to remember most of it, or simply i choose to forget about most of it, hmm..it’s something to question about when i’m lying on my bed tonite…but am i glad to be here today, i would say i’m thankful knowing i’ve such wonderful people supporting me, guiding me…though i’m far away from them but i feel them here with me…
‘Missing’ is the word…i truly ‘miss’
Sunday, July 06, 2003
…and so my holiday for a month back home has been and gone…without realising that time flies so quickly, infact too quickly… that now at this point i feel like i’m back where i started…i’m leaving once again…could that explain the swirls inside me… would that explain how at times i hope i could be allowed to remain in a fragment of time forever…damn..i’m leaving today!
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October 20th, 2005 by charmayne
Friday, May 30, 2003
…anticipation..what am i anticipating? to leave it all behind once and for all? or just leave it as it if? suppose if you already know what’s coming your way, does anticipation still relate? suppose you already know how painful it’s going to be, does this mean the pain will be any lesser? and if you realised that the pain you’re about to face will always remain as a part of you…there’s no stopping it, is there? how does one make a choice when it seems like whatever one chooses would not make any differences? well.. i guess you don’t choose anymore but just to let the consequences happen..
Tuesday, May 27, 2003
being confined between these four walls doesn’t help one bit…having all these limitations of being oneself is exceptionally difficult…i suppose a change will do some good, but does changes mean that everything must be reversed to a point with so much uncertainty whereby..’i don’t even know where to start?!’ of does it simply means by having to erased whatever that might just took a little bit of you too much? perhaps a variation of different things happening around the same time is really all that it takes…
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October 20th, 2005 by charmayne
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
…yet another daily routine…i’m not sure if i’m more mentally exhausted as i am physically or call it a paradox of my time..when there is really no exhaustion in me…and if ignorance is really bliss…why does everything still matters when i choose to ignore? i suppose it’s life, what more can i say..
…sitting here pondering… burdened with thoughts which confuses and excites…wondering if there’s a purpose in defining situations…black…white..grey, that’s where i belong…at least i know i’m happy…at least i know i belong.
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October 18th, 2005 by charmayne
…yet another groggy mornin that fills my head with uncertainty…where to go? what to do? what does all these means? unable to run and having to hide…where do i go? what am i to do? i guess hiding will do for now until someone/something sends me an answer…
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